


an idle mind (and all the bad that comes from it)

by WattStalf



Series: cos your love's got the best of me (baby, you're making a fool of me) [27]
Category: Baccano!
Genre: F/M, I'm Projecting So Hard, Nightmares, This Is STUPID, general warnings for them doing their thing, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 01:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7824319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I don't even remember it, usually...the dreams, I mean.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	an idle mind (and all the bad that comes from it)

**Author's Note:**

> Most nightmare related stuff has already been explored in thisndrabble http://archiveofourown.org/works/7669600/chapters/17466586  
> But I'm having an awful couple of days and I can't stop fucking screaming so here's some good old fashioned venting and projecting onto Ladd so I can make him suffer instead of me for a few minutes haha

He gets approximately four hours of sleep every night, between how long it takes him to fall asleep and all the times he wakes up and the time he spends in the morning, wondering if he can get up without waking up Lua, or if he should just lay there and wait for her to wake up on her own before he moves. Ladd doesn't like to sleep very much anyway, so he doesn't mind the fact that he's never able to do so for very long. It's better to be awake, better to not let himself, his mind, be idle for that long.

He hates being idle, and he hates sleeping, and his four hours have always felt like more than enough. If it weren't for Lua, he's sure there would be nights where he didn't get any sleep at all, because if he isn't there to make sure she gets her sleep, she'll probably skip out on it to spend time with him, and if she doesn't get her sleep, that puts her health at risk, and that won't do at all.

When he sleeps, he doesn't often dream, or if he does, he usually doesn't remember them. And when he does dream...when he does dream, even when he knows he did, he usually doesn't remember what it was about, and can only remember that it was enough to cause him to wake up in a sudden panic, feeling the sort of fear he never feels in the waking world. He doesn't know what sort of nightmares he has, but he shrugs them off and tries to forget that they ever happened. Nothing good can come from leaving a mind idle for that long, anyway.

Sometimes she wakes up when he does and she does whatever she can to comfort him. It's embarrassing as hell, needing her to soothe him like that when he's supposed to be the strong one, the one looking out for her! But it's usually the easiest way to slow his heart enough to at least pretend to go back to sleep, and if that's what it takes to get her to stop worrying and go back to sleep herself, then it's worth it.

She's never asked him, not even once, and he appreciates it, but he knows she must be curious so one night he tells her the truth. “I don't even remember it, usually...” he mutters. “The dreams, I mean.” Whatever it is, it can't be any good, because no good can come from leaving his mind idle that long.

Until one night, he wakes up with a shout so loud that she is clinging to him when his mind begins to clear and he's able to think about where he is. His heart is still pounding so hard that it hurts and he can remember every single detail, and he doesn't let go of her, grabbing her so tight that his fingers dig into the skin of her shoulders.

“Stay right here next to me and don't go _anywhere_ ,” he says, and even as he says it, he realizes that this won't make any sense to her, that he has no reason to suddenly say something like that. He doesn't care, he just needs her here, to remind himself that it didn't happen.

“I'm...I'm not going anywhere,” she says softly, confused. “What did you...?”

“Don't wanna...can't talk about it,” he mumbles. “Just...not right now, okay?” She nods, and her voice is muffled when she starts to sing to him, due to how he holds her against him. Still, she sings the same songs as always, and he tries to let that calm him down and tries to forget the images.

His worst fear for too long now has been to lose her, because she is  _his_ , and her life is  _his_ , and if anything happened to her...if  _anything_ happened to her, he wouldn't be able to  _stand_ it, and he doesn't know  _what_ he would do. He can't  _imagine_ it, and he's been able to ignore it for so long, but the dream, the nightmare, showed him just what it would feel like to watch her slip away.

He can't remember the faces of the people who snatched her away from him, but they did; snatched her right out of his arms and he couldn't move, and he was helpless as he watched her suffer and cry and beg him to save her, until she realized that he couldn't and then she was so upset with him. Her voice is still clear in his mind, the way she snarled, “You're no good for anything, are you?” before she was finally torn apart right before his eyes.

Her song comes to an end and he is still terrified, and Lua looks up at him with concern. “Was it that bad?” she asks. He responds by grabbing her throat with both hands and squeezing and not letting up even as she gasps for air.

“I'm never letting anyone take you from me,” he whispers, “not ever. If I gotta kill you right now to make sure you stay mine and you don't end up...don't end up...” He relaxes his hands and lets her breathe. “I would do it, if I had to.”

“I know. You can, if you want to. I don't mind if you kill me right now...” Her eyes have so much love in them that he feels some of his tension start to dissipate. It was only a dream after all.

“Not tonight, angel. I won't let anyone take you away from me, and I won't let anyone make me rush, so you don't have to worry about anything. Sorry if I scared you,” he says. “I love you more than anything, you know that?”

“I know, and I love you more than anything.”

“I can't wait until I do get to kill you so that you can really be mine,” he murmurs.

“Ladd,” she breathes, eyes lighting up. “I'm already yours, you don't have to kill me for that.” She nuzzles him and lets her voice drop low. “But I can't wait until you get to kill me either.”

Holding her like that, it isn't long before he's able to calm down enough to sleep, and for the first time in a long time, he actually sleeps through the night.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I wrote this lol


End file.
